Taking the Leap

Seven days of familiarity, safety, glory. Seven days of meeting new friends, yoga classes, western cafes and organic markets, drinking green juices and cappuccinos overlooking the turquoise blue Ganges.

Rishikesh felt like a western utopia suspended within the confines of the ancient Hindu culture. A place where people seek reinvention. People arrive from all over for yoga teacher training at the source. It felt like a bubble of Western idealism.

I won’t forget my initial walks through Tapovan and Laxman Jhula. I was Guided by an abundance of flyers for yoga classes, breathwork sessions, sound-bath healing, ecstatic dances; all targeting tourist like me. I got into a familiar rhythm, running most mornings along the river path and over the 3 bridges. I practiced yoga most mornings at Om Shanti Om with Yogi Dinesh.  I felt like I could finally breath as I returned to a routine. With the abundance of activities, I began to forget where I was; and that I was solo traveling. If not for an upcoming medical mission to Nepal, I could have easily stayed a while longer, enjoying all the comforts.

I shared a similar Itinerary as my friend Aleksandra, whom I had met in Varanasi. Together we hiked to a hidden waterfall, enjoyed the view at Bhootnath Shiva temple, rode a “Scooty” to a riverside cave (where it is said that Jesus was found meditating during his “lost years”). We spent Thanksgiving Day together. I felt pulled between companionship and a desire to have my own adventure. I realized, there is nowhere to go and that I was choosing this path. I was choosing discontent by wanting things to be different, instead of owning my experience. There is more to unpack here. Ultimately, when we said goodbye, I was grateful for companionship on the road.

This was a period of restlessness for me. I couldn’t get myself to relax and slow down. Something about wanting a daily itinerary to keep me anchored into a do-ing mindset. I kept searching for a better homestay that might allow me to truly relax. In truth, this cost me days of distraction. It was not the external environment that was driving the discomfort; it was my internal state.

I met a Jared, Sven and Aryan. We watched a powerful sunrise over the foothills of the Himalayas on Thanksgiving morning. Jared woke me up to life with his story of loss, resilience and strength. “Every sunrise is a gift” he told me. His plans to through hike the entire South Island of New Zealand are brave and magnetic. I was pulled by his energy.

In Rishikesh, the tourism consumer culture was more than ever. Everywhere I looked, there was another event targeted at spiritual seekers with disposable income. I wanted to find an outlet for service, but simply wasn’t able to. I eventually surrendered to simply receiving lessons that were freely available. The main one being, observing the way that I was distracting myself. Focusing on my internal state of being. After taking a nature hike with a small group, I reflected on my initial desire for this career break. To ground. To lean in. To grow in self empowerment. To embrace my true identity.

One major takeaway was understanding my relationship with nature. More than anywhere I had been in India, the nature was alive with hillsides streams rushing into rivers. I realized that this was my temple. This is the God that I want to worship. He shows me the truth and reflects back to me every lesson of the world. Just like the river flows to the ocean, we flow to the source. There is no reason to fear life.. It’s a beautiful gift to be alive. To take it slow. To reconnect.